Through the Cracks

This morning I was reminded yet again that God is in control and that I need to submit and surrender my whole life, successes and failures, to Him. I’m operating on a schedule that is more demanding than any I’ve ever had to deal with before, and today I realized that a number of things have fallen through the cracks. Are any of them major, life altering things that deserve panic? No. However, I hate letting people down and I hate that feeling in my stomach that crops up when I realize I’ve forgotten something. It’s so reminiscent of forgetting that an assignment is due and waking up the morning of the due date and saying “Oh no! That’s today!”

My childhood was full of moments like that, and I thought I’d grown beyond that kind of absent mindedness. I thought I’d gotten to a point where I wouldn’t forget things so that I didn’t have to hear that small voice inside me that loves to remind me how often I fail. I didn’t think I’d have to deal with the fact that that voice just gets louder when I realize that things have gone undone or been entirely forgotten.  

The voice tells me that I let people down. It tells me I’m always a few degrees off center and that everyone is disappointed. It tells me that it’s no wonder that God has to teach me so many lessons, because I keep failing to learn and that He is tired of me too. Today I am reminding myself that the voice lies. I’m reminding myself that I am human and as such cannot be perfect. I’m reminding myself that the grace that comes with Christ’s love covers me. I’m reminding myself that I am not so important or essential that everyone could be disappointed in me. I’m reminding myself that humility means admitting when I’ve made mistakes and then letting them go, refusing to beat myself up, refusing to give in to the pride inherent in a defeatist attitude.

Today Verses

Psalm 124:8

Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Powerful Prayer

I’m finding that one of the greatest gifts we have from the Lord is the ability to pray. How incredible is it that we, small and human, can enter into the presence of the Almighty with the assurance that He hears us and responds. The power of prayer is total in that God hears us and responds, but our hearts also respond and change when we pray. Prayer doesn’t just lead to changes in our circumstances, but it also leads to changes in our attitudes.

I’m so thankful that prayer not only has power over my life but also has power over me and my mind. I’m praising God today for His provision in prayer, for his attention to the details of my spirit. I’m coming before the Lord in prayer, not just asking for change in my life, but begging for change in my heart and He is gracious and faithful to provide.

Today’s Verse

Jude 1: 20-21

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

What is the Answer?

I have a long to do list. There are a ton of things that I need or want to be doing, situations that need handling, and problems that need solving. What I'm continually realizing is that I can't do those things, handle those situations, or solve those problems alone.

It's strange for me to find myself facing things that I just don't have an solution for. I always have an answer. Teachers ask questions, and I raise my hand. I've been a professional student for years. To suddenly see obstacles in my life that have me saying, "I don't know what to do," is scary. I know that I am supposed to trust God with all of these things, with everything, that I am supposed to simply surrender my whole life to Him, but these are new circumstances that I don't have practice surrendering. I don't know how God will provide. I'm having trouble seeing a way through that doesn't involve some seriously amazing and undeserved provision from the Lord.

And that's the crux of the issue. It's not that I don't think God provides, it's that I find myself unsure that He will provide for me. I find myself doubting whether He will look at me and say "Yes, I will do these great and unfathomable things for her." I know He works in phenomenal ways for others, but it's so hard for me to trust that He will treat me the same way.

So right now, for me, it's not just about surrendering my circumstances. It's also about surrendering to how God sees me, to how He loves me. It's about trusting that He works all things together for my good, even when I'm not good enough to deserve it. It's about recognizing that, on my own, I am never going to measure up or be able to earn the love and care of the Almighty, but that Christ paid the ultimate price so that I never have to. It's about total, all encompassing trust that God knows me, knows my life, knows my future, and will make all His plans come to pass.

Today's Verse
1 John 3:19-20
This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: if our our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

A Different Role

This week I reread the story of David and Goliath, and I was struck anew by the implications of the story. I discovered that, in the past, I have always read this story and asked, “How can I be more like David?” I tended to cast myself in the role of the hero and attempted to learn how to conquer my giants through their example.

This time, however, I realized that I have been casting myself incorrectly. I have been attempting to play the wrong role. In this story, I am not David, I am Israel. I am unable to conquer giants on my own. I need help to do so. I am not the young, handsome shepherd walking through the army’s camp with confidence that I can bring down Goliath. Instead, I am like the scores of people who cowered in the face of Goliath’s challenge. I am like the king who, even after agreeing to send David out to meet Goliath, tried to lend David his own armor to wear, not believing that David could handle things all on his own.

So often I find myself facing giants that I am determined to conquer on my own, only to find myself unable to meet the challenges and unable to stand up to the accusing voices that boast of their invincibility. When I finally admit that I can’t do it alone and yield to the Lord, I still often try to help, offering Him my ideas and my plans as if He needs my assistance. But in fact, the Lord is like David, fully capable on his own, not in need of any ‘armor’ I may have to offer.

Today’s Verse

Psalm 68: 19-20

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death.

Loving the Unlovable

I encounter a number of difficult people in my job. Offering service to people in high stress times in their lives means that I often speak with people who are at the end of their rope. They don’t necessarily want to hear what I have to say, they just want me to fix things. Explanations about changes taking time and requiring things from them aren’t always well received.

The Bible is clear, however, that we are to love our enemies. Now, ‘enemies’ strikes me as a harsh word, one that describes parties in armed conflict or people who truly hate one another. In order to better grasp this concept and its applicability to my own life, I have been conceptualizing ‘enemies’ as those with whom I experience conflict. Under this definition, the Bible calls me to love those with whom I have conflict.

I have been thinking on this lately, the idea of loving others and treating them as I would wish to be treated and I realized something. When I love my enemies, I tend to stop seeing them as enemies. When I love those with whom I have conflict, I pray for them, I pray for God to change my perspective, and my heart attitude towards those people changes. It does not necessarily solve the conflict, but it certainly changes my emotional state. When I love my enemies, I no longer have enemies.

I see what you did there, Jesus.

Today’s Verses

Matthew 5:43 & 7: 12

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the law and the prophets.

Where Can I Go

There are song lyrics running through my head this morning from the song Rescue:

“I need you Jesus

Come to my rescue

Where else can I go?

There’s no other name by which I am saved

Capture me with grace

I will follow you”

When I am in need, there is truly no other place to turn. When I need assurances that the work God is doing is good and that my time and efforts are not for naught, I need only turn to Jesus. When the world around us seems exhausting, chaotic, and out of control, we needn’t wonder how our needs will be met.  He is a counselor and comforter, a peace-giver. Even in the midst of life’s challenges and difficult self-realizations, Jesus rescues.

Today’s Verse

Isaiah 9:6

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Call and Response

Today I find myself examining how I respond when God calls out to me. When He beckons me nearer, I tend to have such a shallow understanding of what that means. I feel Him prodding me, begging me to come to Him and discuss something with Him, so I do, and I am always shocked when that discussion leads somewhere I never expected. The Lord is constantly revealing things about me that I am blind to.

The beautiful thing is that I am not alone in those revelations. He is right there, not condemning me, simply correcting. He cradles me in His arms with love and assures me that, while I am not strong enough to overcome my flaws, He is. He has not abandoned or forsaken me, He is simply teaching me to be better than I am. He is growing me and maturing me so that I might better serve Him.

I want to be a good and faithful servant, one who loves the Lord and loves others well. The road to loving well is paved with difficult lessons, with sacrifice of self, and with humility. Pride and control are things I struggle with, things I come back to again and again, and things that crop up in insidious ways. But the Lord is there. He knows what I need, He knows when to step in, and He knows how to love me through them. I give thanks for He is good and His love endures forever.

Today’s Verse

Proverbs 3: 11-12

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves as a father the son he delights in.