What Really Matters

Today I find myself incredibly aware of the protective nature and provision of God. I'm not quite sure why these things are so clear to me today, but I do know that the feelings of peace and assurance that go with them make going about the day and my to do list a lot easier.

I am in the midst of the (hopefully) final revisions and changes for my Master's Thesis. I've sent it to my committee chairs. They might hate it. They might want me to do even more work. The whole process has now officially taken two semesters longer than it was supposed to: what if they hold that against me? What if they don't want me to pass?

I've realized that it doesn't matter what they think. Not really. If they want me to pour more work into my thesis, I will. But it won't change what really matters, because I don't do this work for them. I don't do it for my department. I do it for God and for me. I work hard, not to please my department, but because being a diligent steward of my talents and skills is something God calls me to do. All I care about is whether my work glorifies Him, not Penn State, not my adviser.

My department might not be pleased with me, but if I am walking the path God lays before me, that is all that matters. God goes before me, He honors me and my work when I honor Him. He protects and provides exactly what I need, in academics and in other areas of my life. When I make it about Him, when I keep my eyes on the true prize, the pressures and distractions of academia fade away and I am left with only God. And that's what matters.

What distracts you from God? Are you looking for approval from other sources? 

Today's Verses
Psalm 91: 14-15
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."

What Do I Do Now?

Do you ever reach a point where your plans for life take an entirely new turn and you are left confused and fumbling around, trying to figure out where you are going? Or maybe, like me, you find yourself still walking the path you planned to walk, but you are no longer sure where that path is heading.

I no longer know what I am doing or where I am going or how I am supposed to get there. Yesterday I was feeling totally at sea, as if I were on a boat that had gotten halfway to its destination only to have the wind and driving force simply disappear with the horizon nowhere in sight. Then I went to church, only to have God really speak and force me to face the flaws in how I've been thinking about my life. Our pastor came straight out and told us to 'stop trying to accomplish God's goals your way."

Wow. Once again, God shows me that knowing is not enough. Knowing what I fear hasn't been enough to conquer those fears, and knowing what God wants for my life isn't enough to make it happen. I've been seeking after God's plans for me and what He wants from me, but once He has revealed those things to me I have not been concerned with how He wants to accomplish those things in my life. Instead, I've said 'Oh, great, thanks for the heads up! I'll go out and make that happen for you." But that is NOT the way He wants it. He wants our eyes to stay on Him, even when He reveals His goals and tasks for us. He never intends for us to do it alone, because we can't. Only He can accomplish His goals in our life, we can never do it without Him or before He intend for it to happen.

By the end of yesterday's service I could hear God asking me two things. The first was 'Why must you rush ahead?' He said, 'Please just WAIT for me! It will go so much better for you if you keep your eyes on me and wait." The second was 'Do you TRUST me?' I heard him saying "I am faithful and I honor my promises. But you must wait on me, and waiting requires trust. Do you truly believe I will accomplish these things? Keep your eyes on me.'

So that's the answer to 'what do I do now?' I keep my eyes on Him. I put Him and His will before my own. I wait.

Today's Verses:
Isaiah 64:4
 Since ancient times no one has heard,
    no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
    who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding; 
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.