The Best Laid Plans

Have you ever found yourself on a path that you always planned to take and discovered that you no longer know why you are walking that path? I've always been the kind of person who planned away her present while thinking about the future. My life plan, at least vocationally, was set a long time ago: I knew exactly what I would be doing and where I was headed from a fairly young age. Now, I find myself in a mental space where I have no idea what the future holds and my present work is no longer fulfilling. I wonder if it ever was. I wonder why I find myself in this place, on this trajectory.

Today I am comforted by the fact that God is a planner, even when I can't plan any longer, even when my plans fall apart. He is meticulous. He doesn't make mistakes. I am where I am, doing what I'm doing, because of Him.

I read that God strategically places us for His plans and His purposes. Even when I don't know where I am going or why I am on this path, He does. He has a plan for my studies, a plan for my health, a plan to use me. He created me, flaws and all, for a unique, specific purpose.

I am opening myself up to a better understanding of His plan for my life. I am trying to let go of the plans I always assumed would come to pass.

A wise friend shared the following statement with me, encouraging me to let go and surrender. I have found it rather freeing even as the endless possibilities are terrifying:

"I will go where He wants me to go, I will do what He wants me to do, I will say what He wants me to say, I will give what He wants me to give."

Have you ever found your life taking you somewhere you did not expect? How did you respond?

Today's Verse
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

When the Walls Fall

I spend a lot of time marching around my personal Jerichos, waiting and trusting that one day God will bring down the walls. Today I wonder what I would do if those walls were to suddenly fall down, right now.

Am I ready for that? I know I want it, I know I would be happy and thankful to see those barriers disappear. But what would I do? Would I be ready?

If I woke up tomorrow and no longer had fibromyalgia, would I have any idea how to live my life? Would I manage my time responsibly or would I give and give of my time and energy until I had nothing left for myself?

If I woke up tomorrow to find myself in a relationship with the man of my dreams, would I live happily ever after? Would I handle my relationship with emotional maturity or would I be fearful and insecure because I fail to see myself the way God sees me?

I think I still have things God is working out in my life. Things that having fibromyalgia and being single force into the light. I think my work is not yet done. I still have some marching, some trusting God, to do.

Are there pieces of your life that you aren't happy with but that God is redeeming?


Today's Verse
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

My Share of Jerichos

Today I am thinking about Jericho and how the Israelites brought down the wall. They marched around it for seven days, occasionally blowing their horns. But the Bible doesn't describe any deterioration in the wall until it actually falls on the seventh day. There is no description of cracks spreading or rocks falling or walls shifting. The way the story is told, it seems like the wall was intact for 7 days as the Israelites marched, that it was whole until the last day when the Israelites gave one last blast on the trumpets and let out a loud shout. Only then did the wall crumble and fall.

The sudden nature of the wall's collapse shows me that God could have brought down the wall at any time.  He didn't need the Israelites to march around the wall to gradually bring it down. The march was for Israel. The march was about Israel's faith, not about God's power.

I wonder how the Israelites must have felt, walking around the city day after day and seeing no change in the wall. I think about the things I have been (metaphorically) marching around. I realize that no change doesn't mean God isn't present, it doesn't mean God isn't at work. No change means I've been given an opportunity to put my faith, my trust in God. God brings us to Jericho to mature our faith, to take us out of our comfort zone, to get us to make a leap of faith, to show us his faithfulness.

What Jerichos are you marching around?  Are you trusting God to move when He decides the time is right?

Today's Verse
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him

Wait for Him

God often takes a LONG time to accomplish things, and I have a hard time with that. I move forward in little baby steps, always thinking the next step will bring me to completion. Instead, I find new things to deal with, new things to learn, new things to accept behind every bend in the road. I get frustrated with the slow pace, knowing that I am going as fast as I can, as fast as I'm meant to, but so eager to just move forward, to accomplish, to get that stamp of approval. I want to rush through this process to get to the next thing.

I was feeling frustrated, impatient, and antsy last night when I decided to watch the new Bible miniseries on the History channel. Regardless of a myriad of issues people have with the production as a whole, I was struck by the passage of time in the story of Abraham. God promises Abraham a life in a new land and descendants that will be more numerous than the stars, and then SO MANY years pass. Seeing the caption '40 years later' pop up at the bottom of the TV screen drove that home more to me than reading the story in Genesis ever has before.

Waiting that long didn't mean that God had forgotten Abraham or reneged on his promises to him. It just meant that God was doing what He promised in His own way, in His own timing.

I am comforted by this today. My slow progress in my journey of faith, the things I see as roadblocks, the seemingly endless progression towards something new that I just can't quite grasp are all part of faith. They are all part of God's promises - the journey is just as important as the destination. I am embracing the journey today, having faith in God's promises, and waiting.

What is God teaching you as you wait for Him?

Today's Verse
Romans 4:3
What does Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."

Alone but not Lonely

I am an extrovert. In fact, just saying I am an extrovert is a bit of an understatement. I love people. I love being with them, talking with them, studying them, writing about them. On personality tests my results are always people-oriented. People like me are concerned with what other people need to feel loved, to feel provided for, to feel comfortable. I am 'The Teacher', always wanting to share ideas and communicate. I find energy in being with others, serving others.

I think sometimes I am afraid to be alone. Afraid that all the thoughts I think about myself will overwhelm me if I just sit still instead of distracting myself, instead of drowning them out with other people, books, music, work.

But today, I find myself taking space to breathe, to rest. I find myself alone. I don't have to be - I've been invited to do several things. I could have gone out with a friend for lunch or shopping or just a walk. I could have gone downtown and spent time at a coffee shop, at least near other people if not actually chatting with them. I decided not to. I wasn't feeling all that great and I had things to get done at home so I've been alone. All day.

I love how God reaches out and really grabs me, really opens my eyes on the days when I choose to be alone. Sometimes, often times, I'm not trying to use my longer stretches of alone time to be with God. But still, He shows up.

Today I find myself incredibly happy. I am alone, my thoughts aren't filled with things I could or should or did not do. I'm alone, and I am at peace. I am filled with the knowledge that God is with me, that God's plans for my life exceed the circumstances of my day. I know that I am walking the path He has laid before me to the best of my ability. I know that I don't need to worry about anything: God has it all handled.

I can spend today alone, in my house, and not screw anything up. I can rest. I can be alone.

When did you last let yourself be alone? Is alone time something you make time for?

Today's Verse:
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

What Do I Do Now?

Do you ever reach a point where your plans for life take an entirely new turn and you are left confused and fumbling around, trying to figure out where you are going? Or maybe, like me, you find yourself still walking the path you planned to walk, but you are no longer sure where that path is heading.

I no longer know what I am doing or where I am going or how I am supposed to get there. Yesterday I was feeling totally at sea, as if I were on a boat that had gotten halfway to its destination only to have the wind and driving force simply disappear with the horizon nowhere in sight. Then I went to church, only to have God really speak and force me to face the flaws in how I've been thinking about my life. Our pastor came straight out and told us to 'stop trying to accomplish God's goals your way."

Wow. Once again, God shows me that knowing is not enough. Knowing what I fear hasn't been enough to conquer those fears, and knowing what God wants for my life isn't enough to make it happen. I've been seeking after God's plans for me and what He wants from me, but once He has revealed those things to me I have not been concerned with how He wants to accomplish those things in my life. Instead, I've said 'Oh, great, thanks for the heads up! I'll go out and make that happen for you." But that is NOT the way He wants it. He wants our eyes to stay on Him, even when He reveals His goals and tasks for us. He never intends for us to do it alone, because we can't. Only He can accomplish His goals in our life, we can never do it without Him or before He intend for it to happen.

By the end of yesterday's service I could hear God asking me two things. The first was 'Why must you rush ahead?' He said, 'Please just WAIT for me! It will go so much better for you if you keep your eyes on me and wait." The second was 'Do you TRUST me?' I heard him saying "I am faithful and I honor my promises. But you must wait on me, and waiting requires trust. Do you truly believe I will accomplish these things? Keep your eyes on me.'

So that's the answer to 'what do I do now?' I keep my eyes on Him. I put Him and His will before my own. I wait.

Today's Verses:
Isaiah 64:4
 Since ancient times no one has heard,
    no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
    who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding; 
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. 

Turning into the Skid

A wise woman I know presents the idea that, when driving, accelerating and turning into a skid is the best way to correct and recover (turning away, overcorrecting, are our first instincts and they are incredibly dangerous). She wonders if God wants us to accelerate and turn into the very things that frighten us, in order to recover and correct our paths.

I have spent the last several months discovering the things that I truly fear. My deep-seated, insidious fears about myself, my life, and God are slowly coming to light.  But maybe awareness isn’t enough. Maybe just knowing what I fear and even discussing my fears with God and others isn’t enough. Maybe I should accelerate and turn into those fears, throwing myself on God’s mercy and trusting him to handle things.

I’m not sure what that looks like, but I have a feeling it means accepting God’s help when I face uncomfortable and fearful situations. It means trusting God to go before me, trusting that my first reaction, to turn in the opposite direction, is what I shouldn’t do. Instead, I should go with it, go with God. 

Today's Verse 
Romans 8: 28, 31 
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose… What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

I am Ordinary, and That’s Ok

On Monday night I have a discussion with some people from the Cru grad student ministry at Penn State about Peter and John and their experience before the Sanhedrin in Acts 4.  The men of the Sanhedrin noticed that Peter and John were ‘unschooled, ordinary men’, implying that they were unqualified to speak about God and be used by Him.  Then they realized that these men had been with Jesus. This made them qualified, this meant that their lack of schooling and ordinary lives weren’t holding them back or keeping God from using them. Our group leader asks us to name the characteristics that we ascribe to ourselves that keep us from feeling like we can be of use. What are our ‘unschooled’ or ‘ordinary’ characteristics? What holds us back?

Then he reminds us that God called Peter and John in the midst of their ordinary lives. They trusted Him to work through them, regardless of the fact that they were uneducated and ordinary. I realize that it all comes down to trust. Trusting the Holy Spirit to move, trusting that it’s ok to get out of the way, give up control, and let God work. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom – freedom from those things that make me ordinary and unqualified. Freedom from fear that God won’t want to use me, that I will fail, that those I reach out to will reject me. When God moves, when the Spirit moves, I am free from all those things – free to do exactly what He has called me to do and be exactly who He has called me to be.  

Today's Verse 
Acts 4:13 
When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.