Slowing Down

Sometimes I think that the reason I have fibromyalgia is so that I am forced to slow down, to accept my own limitations. To accept the help only God can give and to force me to maintain boundaries with my time and energy.  Tonight, I am sick with a cold and as much as I want to spend time with my friends, I need to stay home and rest. If I want to be at full strength tomorrow, I have to invest time in doing little today, in doing what's best for me.

I often feel pressure to do what other people need or want instead of what I need or want. I am pathologically afraid of appearing needy or high maintenance, and that means that I often have trouble saying no and setting healthy boundaries for my time and energy. It means that I often find myself running through life, full steam ahead, until suddenly I have nothing left to give anyone, let alone myself.

Tonight I am taking the time to recharge. I am looking to be filled, to be on my own, to fill up my reserves so that I can go back out into my life tomorrow with energy and purpose. Taking time for myself now means I can better serve God and others later. 

Are you taking time for yourself? Are you maintaining healthy boundaries?

Today's Verse
Psalm 19:7
The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

Alone but not Lonely

I am an extrovert. In fact, just saying I am an extrovert is a bit of an understatement. I love people. I love being with them, talking with them, studying them, writing about them. On personality tests my results are always people-oriented. People like me are concerned with what other people need to feel loved, to feel provided for, to feel comfortable. I am 'The Teacher', always wanting to share ideas and communicate. I find energy in being with others, serving others.

I think sometimes I am afraid to be alone. Afraid that all the thoughts I think about myself will overwhelm me if I just sit still instead of distracting myself, instead of drowning them out with other people, books, music, work.

But today, I find myself taking space to breathe, to rest. I find myself alone. I don't have to be - I've been invited to do several things. I could have gone out with a friend for lunch or shopping or just a walk. I could have gone downtown and spent time at a coffee shop, at least near other people if not actually chatting with them. I decided not to. I wasn't feeling all that great and I had things to get done at home so I've been alone. All day.

I love how God reaches out and really grabs me, really opens my eyes on the days when I choose to be alone. Sometimes, often times, I'm not trying to use my longer stretches of alone time to be with God. But still, He shows up.

Today I find myself incredibly happy. I am alone, my thoughts aren't filled with things I could or should or did not do. I'm alone, and I am at peace. I am filled with the knowledge that God is with me, that God's plans for my life exceed the circumstances of my day. I know that I am walking the path He has laid before me to the best of my ability. I know that I don't need to worry about anything: God has it all handled.

I can spend today alone, in my house, and not screw anything up. I can rest. I can be alone.

When did you last let yourself be alone? Is alone time something you make time for?

Today's Verse:
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.