One of the biggest stumbling blocks in my faith is my inability to grasp how God sees me and how much he wants to connect with me. What if He doesn't like me when I show Him all my baggage? What if the God of the universe decides I'm too much work, that I need too much from him? What if He decides that I'm not worth his efforts?
It has hit me over the last few days that I am selling myself short. I am under-expecting to avoid disappointment, but that means that I am also under-investing in my relationship with God. This is spilling over into my personal life and I find myself under-investing in relationships that are important to me, with people I care about. I am worth so much more than I think I am.
By selling myself short, I sell God short. God looked at me, called me good, and yet I am currently sitting around saying "No, I'm not." Who am I to disagree with Him? If the God of the universe says that He created me exactly this way, to have these flaws, but to also have gifts, who am I to say that He was wrong?
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It's time I start acting like it.
Do you have a sense of your own worth? Are you embracing the way God made you?
Today's Verse
Philippians 4: 8-9
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is
just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if
there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think
about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and
seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
An exploration of faith and hope in the midst of fibromyalgia and the various and sundry things of life.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Connecting the Dots
I am amazed at the ways that God continually proves to me that He hears me, He knows what I need to hear from Him, and He wants me to hear Him. In the midst of exhaustion, frustration, impatience, and pouting, He hears me. He speaks to me.
Yesterday I was having a serious pout. I was exhausted, I'd had a headache all day, and, let's face it, my life is not going exactly the way I'd like. At the core of it all, deep inside, a little voice had spent the day telling me that all the things God has said to me over the last year, the last few weeks especially, were false. I spent the day listening to the voice, letting it erode my faith and trust in God's promises. I spent the day remembering all the things in the past that didn't go my way, the things that still affect the way I see myself, and letting my fears get the best of me.
But God was there. He knew I needed to hear from Him, and He met me where I was. Last night at Bible study we discussed the immense power of God to do immeasurably more than we could possibly imagine. We asked ourselves what kept us from being open to incredible possibilities. For me the answer is clear. I keep my expectations low, my requests small, to keep from being disappointed. That little voice inside me tells me that my past makes it clear that what God wants for me won't make me happy. It tells me that God doesn't want to do things for me that are good, that He can't be trusted.
But that message is based on the wrong information. I've connected the dots of my past in the wrong way. God doesn't disappoint, he redirects. He doesn't harm, He protects. By changing my perspective only a little bit, and by connecting the dots in a slightly different way I see a message of hope and provision rather than one of disappointment and failure.
How are you connecting the dots of your past? Are you open to letting God do immeasurably more than you can imagine?
Today's Verses
Ephesians 3: 20-21
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Yesterday I was having a serious pout. I was exhausted, I'd had a headache all day, and, let's face it, my life is not going exactly the way I'd like. At the core of it all, deep inside, a little voice had spent the day telling me that all the things God has said to me over the last year, the last few weeks especially, were false. I spent the day listening to the voice, letting it erode my faith and trust in God's promises. I spent the day remembering all the things in the past that didn't go my way, the things that still affect the way I see myself, and letting my fears get the best of me.
But God was there. He knew I needed to hear from Him, and He met me where I was. Last night at Bible study we discussed the immense power of God to do immeasurably more than we could possibly imagine. We asked ourselves what kept us from being open to incredible possibilities. For me the answer is clear. I keep my expectations low, my requests small, to keep from being disappointed. That little voice inside me tells me that my past makes it clear that what God wants for me won't make me happy. It tells me that God doesn't want to do things for me that are good, that He can't be trusted.
But that message is based on the wrong information. I've connected the dots of my past in the wrong way. God doesn't disappoint, he redirects. He doesn't harm, He protects. By changing my perspective only a little bit, and by connecting the dots in a slightly different way I see a message of hope and provision rather than one of disappointment and failure.
How are you connecting the dots of your past? Are you open to letting God do immeasurably more than you can imagine?
Today's Verses
Ephesians 3: 20-21
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Wordless Groans
I occasionally find myself in a place where I want to pray, and yet I have no words. There is a yearning within me to be close to God, to commune with Him, but I don't know what to say. I feel empty, in need, but don't know what would fix it. Luckily, Scripture tells us that even when we have no words, only wordless groans, the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf. When I am weak and stuck and need God, I don't actually need to say anything. I don't need to know what I need or what I am lacking. I don't need to have fancy words. I have the Holy Spirit within me, and that is all I need.
The best part about this is that God can answer unspoken prayers. Even when we don't know what we need, He does, and He can and will provide, in accordance with His will.
So when words are not enough, or when they are too much, we can take solace in the knowledge that God hears us anyway.
Are you in a place where you don't know what you need?
Today's Verses
Romans 8:25-26
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
The best part about this is that God can answer unspoken prayers. Even when we don't know what we need, He does, and He can and will provide, in accordance with His will.
So when words are not enough, or when they are too much, we can take solace in the knowledge that God hears us anyway.
Are you in a place where you don't know what you need?
Today's Verses
Romans 8:25-26
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Inside Before Outside
On days like today I have to remind myself that ,before I see results on the outside, I have to be sure I'm changing on the inside. Before I see my life change, I have to change. Before God can move me, I have to let Him move within me. I find it so easy to start to change, to attempt new things, and then to sit back and say, 'Ok, I did it once! What's next?'
Does God make amazing, immense changes in an instant? Absolutely. Is that what He is doing in me right now? Definitely not. I am chafing against the slow pace, wanting to sprint, when I should be treating this journey like a marathon.
By placing one foot in front of the other, making decisions that are best for me, and trusting that God knows what He is doing, I can run this race well. I can accept that changes take time. I can trust that what God has in store for me on the other side of this mountain is worth the climb.
Are you making sure you change on the inside before expecting God to change your outer circumstances?
Today's Verse
Philippians 3:21
He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.
Does God make amazing, immense changes in an instant? Absolutely. Is that what He is doing in me right now? Definitely not. I am chafing against the slow pace, wanting to sprint, when I should be treating this journey like a marathon.
By placing one foot in front of the other, making decisions that are best for me, and trusting that God knows what He is doing, I can run this race well. I can accept that changes take time. I can trust that what God has in store for me on the other side of this mountain is worth the climb.
Are you making sure you change on the inside before expecting God to change your outer circumstances?
Today's Verse
Philippians 3:21
He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
To Show You Love
"Everything happens for a reason." This is an idea that I have been a fan of for a long time. What I have never been a fan of, and what I still struggle with, is not always knowing the reason behind the things that happen. It's easy to say everything happens for a reason, but it's hard for me to accept that I won't always know what that reason is.
The beautiful thing is that God often, in His own time, reveals His reasons, and they blow me away.
As I've grappled with learning to love myself again, and as I've wondered why God brought me so low, God has been revealing to me the ways in which He has gifted me, and the numerous people in my life who love me. I realize now that I would not have learned to see these things, let alone appreciate them, if God hadn't brought me to such a challenging place.
A wise friend told me a few days ago to let God love me through the people around me. As I open myself up to my friends, letting them in and letting them love me, God shows me how much He also loves me. I'm overwhelmed by the ways in which God is providing me with a portrait of His love for me.
The best part is that He loves you that way too. There are so many things, large and small, that happen every day that show us God's love for us. I'm so thankful that God brought me to a place where I needed to see His love for me, where everything else was stripped away, and only His love remained.
How has God made his love clear to you?
Today's Verse
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
The beautiful thing is that God often, in His own time, reveals His reasons, and they blow me away.
As I've grappled with learning to love myself again, and as I've wondered why God brought me so low, God has been revealing to me the ways in which He has gifted me, and the numerous people in my life who love me. I realize now that I would not have learned to see these things, let alone appreciate them, if God hadn't brought me to such a challenging place.
A wise friend told me a few days ago to let God love me through the people around me. As I open myself up to my friends, letting them in and letting them love me, God shows me how much He also loves me. I'm overwhelmed by the ways in which God is providing me with a portrait of His love for me.
The best part is that He loves you that way too. There are so many things, large and small, that happen every day that show us God's love for us. I'm so thankful that God brought me to a place where I needed to see His love for me, where everything else was stripped away, and only His love remained.
How has God made his love clear to you?
Today's Verse
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
He Will Give You Rest
Today was (and continues to be) what I call a 'bad fibro day'. My whole body hurts, I groan when I stand up, and I can barely keep my eyes open.
It can be hard to see and feel God on days like today. It's hard for me to not get things done, not because I'm procrastinating but because I'm not capable of comprehending anything complicated when my body feels like this, when my medication fogs up my brain. It's hard not to throw myself myself a pity party and invite everyone I know.
I do find, however, that it is easy to rest. If I put aside my massive grad school to do list, it's easy to just chill. I can take this time of laying in bed to pray, to read my Bible between bouts of sleep, to catch up on emails. I can take this time, use it, and embrace it if I slow down enough.
I think resting, in a large part, means giving up control. I can't control my body or my health. I can't control when my disability will rear its ugly head. I can't control how my department responds to my pace at work. But God can. God has all things in his Hands. We can give up our burdens to Him, and He will gladly take on their weight.
Today I am resting, giving over control, and letting God handle things.
Are you trusting God with your burdens?
Today's Verse
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
It can be hard to see and feel God on days like today. It's hard for me to not get things done, not because I'm procrastinating but because I'm not capable of comprehending anything complicated when my body feels like this, when my medication fogs up my brain. It's hard not to throw myself myself a pity party and invite everyone I know.
I do find, however, that it is easy to rest. If I put aside my massive grad school to do list, it's easy to just chill. I can take this time of laying in bed to pray, to read my Bible between bouts of sleep, to catch up on emails. I can take this time, use it, and embrace it if I slow down enough.
I think resting, in a large part, means giving up control. I can't control my body or my health. I can't control when my disability will rear its ugly head. I can't control how my department responds to my pace at work. But God can. God has all things in his Hands. We can give up our burdens to Him, and He will gladly take on their weight.
Today I am resting, giving over control, and letting God handle things.
Are you trusting God with your burdens?
Today's Verse
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Monday, April 1, 2013
This Is What Love Is
I realized recently (and spoke about it a little) that my views and expectations of what love is and what it looks like have become a bit warped. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain disorder for which there is no cure, only symptom management, had a huge impact on how I thought and felt about myself. Interpersonal disappointments taught me not to rely on others to be there for me, to support me.
Gradually, I lost sight of what real love is, what it looks like. I even lost sight of God's love for me, and what that looks like. I spoke with Him, heard from Him, but had lost sight of the nature of His love.
On Good Friday, my church hosted an event called 'The Way of the Cross'. In the sanctuary there was a wooden cross, laid on a platform, and we were asked to pick up a word written on a card that described an attitude that we wanted to let go of. We were then to take a nail, and nail the card to the cross.
I chose the card 'Unbelief'. The word 'unbelief' perfectly describes my struggle to understand the love of God, to believe that His love is mine for the taking, that He wants ME and loves ME. I nailed the card to the cross and moved to the next station, shaking with the emotion evoked by taking a hammer and piercing the wood of that cross, literally laying my sin down at the cross. The next station invited us to do any number of a variety of worship activities, including just sitting and beings still, listening for God's voice.
On the screen nearby, there was a projector showing a series images of Jesus on the cross. As I watched the images change, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that THIS is love. God gave His ONLY son, sacrificed His most beloved child, for ME. Not just us as a whole, the world, humanity, but as individuals. He did it for ME. He did it for YOU. He loved me, He loved you, all those long years ago. He knew me, knew you, even then. He knew that I, knew that you, would be separated from Him without the blood of Christ, and He wanted that to change. Christ loved me, loved you enough to give up His own life, enough to take the weight of our sin on His shoulders and pay the ultimate price. THIS IS HOW GOD LOVES ME, THIS IS HOW HE LOVES YOU.
Overwhelmingly. Sacrificially. Totally.
This is what love is.
Today's Verses
1 John 3: 1, 16
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are...By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us
Gradually, I lost sight of what real love is, what it looks like. I even lost sight of God's love for me, and what that looks like. I spoke with Him, heard from Him, but had lost sight of the nature of His love.
On Good Friday, my church hosted an event called 'The Way of the Cross'. In the sanctuary there was a wooden cross, laid on a platform, and we were asked to pick up a word written on a card that described an attitude that we wanted to let go of. We were then to take a nail, and nail the card to the cross.
I chose the card 'Unbelief'. The word 'unbelief' perfectly describes my struggle to understand the love of God, to believe that His love is mine for the taking, that He wants ME and loves ME. I nailed the card to the cross and moved to the next station, shaking with the emotion evoked by taking a hammer and piercing the wood of that cross, literally laying my sin down at the cross. The next station invited us to do any number of a variety of worship activities, including just sitting and beings still, listening for God's voice.
On the screen nearby, there was a projector showing a series images of Jesus on the cross. As I watched the images change, I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that THIS is love. God gave His ONLY son, sacrificed His most beloved child, for ME. Not just us as a whole, the world, humanity, but as individuals. He did it for ME. He did it for YOU. He loved me, He loved you, all those long years ago. He knew me, knew you, even then. He knew that I, knew that you, would be separated from Him without the blood of Christ, and He wanted that to change. Christ loved me, loved you enough to give up His own life, enough to take the weight of our sin on His shoulders and pay the ultimate price. THIS IS HOW GOD LOVES ME, THIS IS HOW HE LOVES YOU.
Overwhelmingly. Sacrificially. Totally.
This is what love is.
Today's Verses
1 John 3: 1, 16
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are...By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us
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