Being Needy

Sunday night we had our regularly scheduled Penn State Christian Grads meeting, but instead of our usual Bible study-type format, we had an experiential prayer night.  I had never done anything like that before: there were stations set up around the room, each station had a different activity, each station was designed to address a specific thing in prayer.  Having spent the majority of the weekend in prayer at a retreat, listening for God's voice and pursuing healing, I wasn't sure what more God could reveal to me.
I should have known better.

At the station entitled "Altar of Surrender" the first step was to present our needs, worries, fears, frustrations, and pressures to God. We were to lay them out, asking Him to reveal His plan for them and what He wants us to do about them.  When I sat down and read the prompt, I picked up my pen, ready to start by writing down my needs. And I couldn't do it. My brain wouldn't come up with any needs, my hand wouldn't write them down. I asked God, "Why is this so hard? I've spent all weekend in prayer about these kinds of things, why can't I do it right now?" 

He answered, "You need to become comfortable with needing."

I've developed an intense aversion to anything resembling neediness. I hate asking for help. I hate depending on others. I am pathologically afraid of being called or even thought of as 'needy'.

There are so many ways that this manifests itself in my life. I walk places whenever I possibly can, whenever it's safe, to avoid needing a ride. I avoid going to the doctor when I'm sick, even when I know I probably need antibiotics. Now I see that I also avoid needing God. My fear of need has resulted in an inability to recognize when I need help, to accept the grace, support, and strength of God, to open myself up and ask for support from other people.

God created me to live in community with Him. He created me to live in community with others. We aren't created to be alone, to be totally independent of others, to be solitary. He created us to need.  I'm trying to accept that now.

Are you comfortable with needing God? Are you comfortable with needing others?

Today's Verse
2 Corinthians 3:17
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

When Christ is the Cornerstone

On Sunday night at bible study we discuss the idea that Christian community should have Christ as its cornerstone. Dictionary.com defines cornerstone as ‘a stone that forms the base of a corner of a building, joining two walls’ and as ‘an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based’. We ask ourselves, ‘If Jesus is truly the cornerstone of a Christian community, what would that community look like?’ If we were to base our community on Christ, to depend on Him, to build our community with Him as our foundation, what things would characterize that kind of community?

For me, the answer to that question kept coming back to one concept: grace. A community with Christ as its cornerstone would be one full of grace: Grace for ourselves when we mess up or embarrass ourselves, grace for others when they mess up or annoy us. This community would be one of peace, of respect. Ephesians 2:17 says that Christ came and preached peace to those who were near and far. He preached peace to those close to Him, and to those who were far from Him. I wonder if I am doing that, if I am preaching peace to those close to me and far from me. I think about whether I preach peace to myself. Do I think about things peacefully, do I extend myself grace when I fail to live up to my own expectations?

To me, peace and grace are intrinsically linked. When grace is present, so is peace. When we extend grace to others, we live in peace with them. Their faults and foibles are less important to us when we extend grace. When we extend grace to ourselves, in our own hearts and minds, the fears and insecurities that leave us vulnerable and prone to lashing out at others are lessened. If we are at peace with ourselves, if we treat ourselves gracefully, we can do the same for others.

It’s true that the grace of God is not something that can be fully understood. As humans, full of faults and imperfections, we are incapable of extending grace in the consistent and unconditional manner of God. But we can try. We can make an effort to put Christ first in our lives, to accept His grace and love. Then, following His example, we can make an effort to see others the way He sees them, to treat others the way He treats them: with grace and peace.

Today’s Verses

Ephesians 2: 17-20

He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.