As many of my friends are aware, I really don't like asking for help. While my fear of being "needy" has resulted in my developing the skills I need to be self-sufficient, it also means I have trouble trusting. I know that I can do it, and if I mess up, it's my responsibility. I'm not sure that anyone else can help or, more importantly, that they even want to help me.
God has been challenging me to trust Him, to trust that He will provide for my needs, to trust that His plan is good, and to trust that He will place people in my life who I can lean on and count on in times of trouble and uncertainty as well as joy.
I've struggled with this. I've been disappointed before. A woman I spoke to recently even used the word 'betrayed' when I was discussing my past with her. I've been betrayed, and I often focus on past betrayals before I recognize present support. That small voice inside me reminds me of the past and tells me that I can't expect anything different now. I know it's a lie, but it's a powerful one and it preys on one of my biggest fears.
As I grapple with this intangible idea of trust, trying to cultivate it and put it into practice, God continues to meet me. It's not always easy, and God often asks me to trust Him in areas where I've never trusted anyone, but I'm discovering that refusal to trust is, in fact, pride. It tells God, and my friends, that I think I can and should go it alone. Tells God and it tells others that "I can do better without you", "I don't trust you to come through for me", and "What you have to offer isn't good enough". I don't want to say that. I don't want to think it. I don't want to act like that anymore. I want to recognize the humility inherent in asking for help, and to embrace it. I want to trust God, and I want to trust people again.
What do you do when you have trouble trusting?
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord have never forsaken those who seek you.